Over the past six days I have been blown away by the amount of attention the “30 day sex challenge” has been getting. I’ve been keeping up with my media, reading the newspaper article, watching the news reports on T.V., and reading others’ blogs on the internet. As I’ve been doing all this I have noticed that most people just want to talk about the married couples challenge of having sex for 30 days straight, but what about the singles challenge of abstaining from sex for 30 days? Nobody seems to want to talk about this, and when they do it is to say, “but shouldn’t a church teach to abstain until marriage?” I believe they are, and being a single younger guy, I’d really like to talk about it.
Loving. Jesus tells us to love, all throughout the bible. “Love thy neighbor”, “God is Love”, “this is a sign of my Love.” Love, love, love, its everywhere! When I was asked to take the “30 day sex challenge” and abstain from any kind of sexual activity, I may or may not have been doing, I didn’t hear, “Hey Ryan, we don’t want you to have any sexual activity for 30 days because we as a church are telling you not to,” but rather, “hey Ryan, do you Love God enough to hear and listen to what he has to say? We want you to take this challenge because we know God loves you and he wants to help you with issues in your life that may be challenging.” Love is a big part of the challenge. In the six days that it has been going on I’ve totally seen God’s love shining through in my life in so many different ways.
Saving. Obviously we all know that when we accept God into our hearts he saves us from an eternity of suffering, but we can use the word “save” in so many more ways on top of being “saved”. First, the challenge is teaching me that I should “save” myself for marriage. Why would I want to do that? Maybe you’re wondering if I have had sex before, or if I’ve managed to stay abstinent my entire life….but does it really make any difference? I’ve learned so far through taking the challenge that leaving sex out of a relationship gives me the opportunity to focus more deeply on the kind of person that the girl I am dating is. It gives me chances to get to know her likes and dislikes, what makes her smile when she is mad, how to cheer her up if she is sad, and how to encourage her and be a leader for her when things are not going according to plan in her life. These are things that I feel I would miss if I was focused on having sex with her rather than learning to rain love down on her. Second, the challenge has taught me that everyone needs to be “saved” and deserves an infinite amount of chances in life to make that happen. I say this because I was contacted by someone who was against our challenge. He said that we can’t preach abstinence for just 30 days and that it will just lead to failure and pretty much babies out of wedlock. He told me that he was in the process of excommunicating an 18 year old girl from his church for having two kids and not being married. This hurt my heart to the core. Would Jesus have left her in the desert all alone with her babies because she said she wouldn’t marry? Absolutely not. I believe he would be persistent. He would lift all three of them up, put them on his shoulders, carry them home and say, “I love you,” to which one day, and maybe not right away she would say, “I love you too.” Relevant, through the 30 day sex challenge, has also taught me to be relentless and never give up on anybody. Without the challenge I never would have heard that story and never would have come to that realization. I really hope that 18 year old girl reads this blog and knows that she is loved and that we would never “leave her alone in the desert.” Wow, all of this from a sex challenge? God is good.
Finally, abstaining. I choose to abstain because I feel like it is what is going to be best for me in the long run that is my life. For me it’s all about my future. The challenge is teaching me that abstaining will give me a more meaningful relationship with my future spouse. On, top of that I’m learning that that is what God wants for me in my life. I’m starting to think that this challenge is a win win opportunity. Developing an amazing relationship, while honoring God…honestly, who wouldn’t want to take this challenge?
God is Love.
Ryan - very well said! It’s really cool to see single people out there who truly understand what we are doing. Keep up the good work my friend, and i really hope we hear from you a lot more.
Ryan Said: “He told me that he was in the process of excommunicating an 18 year old girl from his church for having two kids and not being married.”
I’m sure there is more behind the church having to excommunicate her. A scenario would probably include her sinning continually, disobedience or having both babies while being a member for a long time. And also I’m sure churches feel she was being very disobedient to God and have gave her many chances. Some churches cannot afford such disobedience and she may need the Lord to save her for real this time.
I completely agree with Ryan! I think it would be too overwhelming for someone who is not saved to say “Hey that sounds like a great idea!! I’m never going to have sex again!” Although it is completely possible. But after living with and talking to people in this country it seems impossible to NOT have sex! I don’t know who came up with this idea, but it is not true! So the thought of just abstaining for 30 days, I believe God will work on those people that choose to take the challenge and show them that He has a better plan for their life than jumping in bed with whoever comes along.
BTW, on the topic of excommunicating someone because of their sins, I think that’s why people hate Christians and go on shooting sprees at churches. Where’s the love? No, I’m not saying it’s alright to continually sin, but here’s a novel idea…Why don’t we practice what God told us to do and Love everyone. Yes, we should instruct, not push, people in God’s teachings on how to live for Him. But why don’t we all just leave the condemning of sins to God. Isn’t that in His job description, not ours??
iamspartacus, I completely agree with you on the condemning of sins…definitely not our job! Nobody hired me to be God.
Couple of observations:
1. Why is it that the clergy is obsessed with the sexual lifestyle of people? Whether people have sex or not, isn’t it really their business?
2. Why the dual standards for married and single couples? No, I am not talking about the sinning, but something simpler. You want people, who have sworn to love each other, and married to have sex to possible ward off a divorce, but you do not want single people to do so because you want them to concentrate on the “real qualities”. This sounds rather ridiculous. If you have to abstain from sex so as to truly appreciate each other, why not have married people do the same?
1. I would say they are not obsessed with the sexual lifestyle of people, but they are obsessed with helping people in their community to have more fulfilling relationships. With Christ, and with each other.
2. They believe the type of intimacy that sex creates is designed for the context of marriage. If you’re married, you should be intimate on that level, if you’re not, you should focus on getting to know each other.