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Monthly Archive for March, 2008

30 Days Down - my learnings

Published
by
Jason
on March 23, 2008
in Sex Challenge
. 0 Comments

So the 30-day challenge has come to an end and suffice it say, it’s been an interesting journey. I’m not speaking so much about the overall craziness we’ve had over this thing, but more about my own personal journey and learnings. I have always been one who loves to learn new things. As a child I was always taking something apart to learn how it was put together and was asking questions to know why it worked and what its usefulness was. To this day I love learning new things. But when it comes to my own personal learnings, I’ve never been as excited to figure things out. There is something about the vulnerability that comes with taking yourself apart (or allowing someone else to) to find out how you’re put together and facing your shortcomings, broken pieces and imperfections. Honestly, who really wants to do that?

That’s really what this challenge has been about though. It’s not been easy for everyone, including myself. So, here are some things I’ve learned on this journey:

I’ve learned my top emotional needs (a few of which are affection, attractive spouse, honesty & openness). I stepped into this part a little reluctantly because, let’s be honest, most guys don’t want to talk about emotional needs. I’m glad I did it though, because so many things make sense for me now. Such as why I’m driven to act certain ways in relationships, why I react to statements or situations the way I do, why some attitudes annoy me and why past relationships just didn’t work out.

I’ve learned that great relationships take a whole lot of work…more than I think I am willing to put in sometimes. Mostly because I’m selfish a lot. And with that, I’ve learned that I am scared to death of marriage.

I’ve learned that I need to better clarify for my relationships where the line is of going too far physically…and be mature enough to fight like crazy to not go over that line while having the right accountability to help.

I’ve learned, once again, that I am not perfect…nor will I ever be. Which, for a perfectionist is a tough lesson.

Finally, I’ve learned that a lifestyle of saving sex for marriage is not easy…sometimes I hate waiting. But, I’ve learned that sex is most rewarding, unmatched, and truly amazing when experienced in the right context.

These are just a few of the things I’ve learned. My hope is that you have learned some things about yourself as well over these past 30 days. My hope is that you will continue on this journey, continue learning, and turn 30 days into a lifestyle.

An average day at the office during the challenge

Published
by
relevant church
on March 18, 2008
in Sex Challenge and Video
. 0 Comments

30 day sex challenge conclusion (look at post under video for survey link)

Published
by
Paul
on March 17, 2008
in Sex Challenge
. 0 Comments

 

30 Day Survey is up and running

Published
by
Paul
on March 16, 2008
in Sex Challenge
. 0 Comments

Yes you heard it right we want to hear from you.  If you have taken the challenge then we want your feedback.  So if you could take this anonymous survey we would really appreciate it.  This will help us evaluate the effectiveness of the challenge and also help us make necessary changes to the challenge as we prepare it for other people. Thanks again for you help.  CLICK HERE FOR THE SURVEY.

Like Father Like Son

Published
by
relevant church
on March 15, 2008
in Sex Challenge and Taking The Challenge
. 0 Comments

We just received this from John

You have heard the expression like father like son. If you become your parent, how will that effect your relationships? How will you make sure that you don’t fall into the same traps your parents did?

My parents divorced in 2000. And the years just prior to that were not that spectacular for my family. Please, hear this. I have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents, and my brother. But it wasnt always like that…

I used to think the reason my parents split is because of money. After i grew and learned a little more about the situation, I learned that wasn’t it. They split because of a lack of communication, plain and simple. A lack of communication including lies, and covering things up, and being afraid to admit to each other who they were becoming. My dad kept so many things from my mom, and it got to the point where she just couldn’t trust him anymore. The thing that really breaks my heart is that I am not alone. Almost all of my friends parents are divorced, and for many of them, the story is the same. People not communicating, and that leads to hardened hearts. So i watch all of this, in my family and my friends families, and i vow to never be like that. Im gonna be different. And then of course, I get into relationships, and I do the exact same thing. And it all stems from me thinking I simply can’t let this person know who I really am. The struggles I have, the mistakes I make, the demons that haunt me. I’m obviously not married, I’m not even in a relationship right now. But I think something I’m learning is that that’s exactly what marriage is. It’s truly knowing someone. I hope and pray that if I ever meet a girl that feels she really wants to know who I am, that I won’t be afraid to show her. When I feel that little voice in my head, the voice that says she will hate me, or run away if she knows the truth about me, i won’t listen. Because history proves, that will just help me to end up alone. I think, as a christian, our relationship with Christ is the ultimate example of this. He knows everything we have done. Every good and every bad thing. It’s laughable almost, but he knows who I am and pursued me anyway!  Please hear me, HE pursued us and still does, even to the point of death on a cross. I hope that one day I will meet a girl, a real flesh and bone girl (and probably a hot one) that will feel like that about me. I just pray to God that I will be prepared for what that means, and not be afraid of letting her see.

Susie’s day 27 update

Published
by
Paul
on March 14, 2008
in Sex Challenge
. 0 Comments

This Weekend

Published
by
Paul
on March 7, 2008
in Uncategorized
. 1 Comment

Day 18 from Paul and Susie

Published
by
Paul
on March 6, 2008
in Sex Challenge
. 1 Comment

An Exerpt From Day 12

Published
by
Jarrett
on March 1, 2008
in Sex Challenge and Taking The Challenge
. 4 Comments
If you are a Christ-follower, what influence does faith have on your dating decisions?

That is part of the question from day 12. I want to give my answer to that question, which may or may not make sense. How’s that for a disclaimer?

My faith is the most important thing in my life. It’s basically how i make all of my decisions. But i recognize that the way i live out my faith is probably pretty different from a lot of people, and I think that’s ok. So first and foremost, for me to be in a serious dating relationship, you have to have “a faith in Jesus”. That’s pretty vague, but that’s on purpose. I know people will quote the “equally yolked” verse, but who knows exactly what that means. If you have a faith, and you are honestly trying to live it, then you make the cut. From there it gets tricky. Something that is personally important to me is balance. I think as people we often spend too much time dealing with and living in extremes. I don’t think that’s the best way to live. So, I like a girl who can have balance. And i think the most important area to have balance in is our culture. I want a girl who is comfortable with Christ and culture. I want to be able to sit and talk about calvanism vs arminianism. But i also want to go see the new Will Ferrell movie. And I want to go talk about it after… in a bar… over drinks. I want a girl who can encourage me in my faith, but who can also realize that quoting a simple bible verse at me when I’m upset probably won’t cut it. I want to listen to Derek Webb with her, and then tell her why Tupac is the greatest artist that has ever lived. So yes, faith is very important to me. But most important is a girl with a mature faith that realizes we are in this world, this culture, and she’s not afraid of it.

I’m taking the challenge - Becky

Published
by
relevant church
on March 1, 2008
in Taking The Challenge
. 0 Comments

We just received this from Becky.

In this weeks “singles guide” one day particularly jumped out at me. I know we have been talking a lot about the different levels of connection and intimacy and most of the effort has been focused on actions as far as giving and receiving or meeting each others needs. Obviously meeting each others needs is the point but I think that sometimes when we take the emotional needs test and find out what our needs are we forget to work on some other important areas.
Day 11 struck me as strange. The question asked, “do you talk to much on dates, are you silent?” I am unable to answer this question as it was originally intended, from individual dates, I am not familiar with traditional dating. My experience lies in long term relationships where dates are much fewer and farther between. The same question can still apply however. The biggest hurdle I have found in relationships is simple communication. When you first start a relationship you want to learn all about the other person, you are interested in what they have to say and you ask probing questions. There is a song that has been playing a lot lately reminding me of this fact, a song by Rascal Flatts called “Take me there”. The tag line sings, “I wanna know everything about you, I wanna go down every road you been…” I have to say though that as that relationship progresses and you develop ‘vocal lethargia’ we stop really caring what the other person has to say and are much more concerned about whether or not our words are being heard. Eventually we stop listening at all to anyone but ourselves and look up to find 6 months down the road, we have no idea who this person is sitting next to us. We say we are going through life with them but is it really with or just next to. Do we happen to be running together because we are still choosing to or because it is easier to run at the same pace than to pick it up and try something more challenging. We grow comfortable in where we are and sadly some of us decide that it is easier to stay exactly where we are with exactly the knowledge we have, or don’t have for that matter, assuming everything is going on at the same pace as always.
The problem with this is that every day people change. They grow, learn, stretch and find new and exciting things that in a healthy relationship should be shared together, brought to a point of common understanding and pursued together, challenging each other. More often then not I fear, these relationship and challenges become more of a one man show than a team. We experience more feelings of independence in the most negative way, when we are in a relationship that has forgotten the importance of communication.
The best encouragement I can give, I hate to admit but mostly to myself, is to take this as a wakeup call if you have seen these trends begin to occur. Stop worrying so much about what you have to say and be more concerned about what the other person has to offer. More often than not, the same will be returned and then your partner will actually be interested in hearing whatever it is that you feel should take up precious air and time.