Relevant Church

We just received this from Becky.

In this weeks “singles guide” one day particularly jumped out at me. I know we have been talking a lot about the different levels of connection and intimacy and most of the effort has been focused on actions as far as giving and receiving or meeting each others needs. Obviously meeting each others needs is the point but I think that sometimes when we take the emotional needs test and find out what our needs are we forget to work on some other important areas.
Day 11 struck me as strange. The question asked, “do you talk to much on dates, are you silent?” I am unable to answer this question as it was originally intended, from individual dates, I am not familiar with traditional dating. My experience lies in long term relationships where dates are much fewer and farther between. The same question can still apply however. The biggest hurdle I have found in relationships is simple communication. When you first start a relationship you want to learn all about the other person, you are interested in what they have to say and you ask probing questions. There is a song that has been playing a lot lately reminding me of this fact, a song by Rascal Flatts called “Take me there”. The tag line sings, “I wanna know everything about you, I wanna go down every road you been…” I have to say though that as that relationship progresses and you develop ‘vocal lethargia’ we stop really caring what the other person has to say and are much more concerned about whether or not our words are being heard. Eventually we stop listening at all to anyone but ourselves and look up to find 6 months down the road, we have no idea who this person is sitting next to us. We say we are going through life with them but is it really with or just next to. Do we happen to be running together because we are still choosing to or because it is easier to run at the same pace than to pick it up and try something more challenging. We grow comfortable in where we are and sadly some of us decide that it is easier to stay exactly where we are with exactly the knowledge we have, or don’t have for that matter, assuming everything is going on at the same pace as always.
The problem with this is that every day people change. They grow, learn, stretch and find new and exciting things that in a healthy relationship should be shared together, brought to a point of common understanding and pursued together, challenging each other. More often then not I fear, these relationship and challenges become more of a one man show than a team. We experience more feelings of independence in the most negative way, when we are in a relationship that has forgotten the importance of communication.
The best encouragement I can give, I hate to admit but mostly to myself, is to take this as a wakeup call if you have seen these trends begin to occur. Stop worrying so much about what you have to say and be more concerned about what the other person has to offer. More often than not, the same will be returned and then your partner will actually be interested in hearing whatever it is that you feel should take up precious air and time.