It is funny how as a woman, we can totally shut down any intimacy or even the idea of intimacy according to our emotions. By 7:00 am this morning I had already determined that i would not be intimate at all with Paul today if he didn’t take his turn in getting Ashlyn ready for the bus this morning and then decided that he was feeling well enough to go to his scheduled golf tournament! You see, Paul and I take turns just about every other day in getting up with the kids especially Ashlyn because she is “special needs” for those who don’t know, and she gets up extremely early some days. So we have had this mutual agreement for years. But the last few weeks we haven’t really been on the schedule because of the physical and emotional drain of being on radio show after radio show morning and night. Which has really been a great thing, however, my “taker” as Dr. Harley calls it in his books, has risen up and as Popeye says, “I’ve taken all I can stanz and I can’t stanz no more! For Paul’s side, he has had a sore throat for three days now and Anthony and I were in the doctor’s office yesterday and he has strep! So, with all of the extra stress, i have already shut down by 7:00 am. Dr. Harley states that we all have a “giver” and we all have a “taker.” Self explanatory as they are and as justified as i think i am to allow my “taker” to rise up, something interesting happened in the car-ride home from dropping Ashlyn off at school, (yes, she missed her bus this morning!) I was listening to the radio and heard an interview with Chris Tomlin, and they later played his song, “How Great is Our God” my heart was touched as i began to re-focus my mind from “ME” and focus on how great my God is. My selfish heart broke over my “selfish” thoughts and I just sat in my garage singing at the top of my lungs with tears flowing down my face. And in that moment, the third person of God in our relationship rose up and turned my “taker” back into my “giver” again. Christ is the difference in a believer’s life. It is His spirit that is in us that re-focuses our minds and hearts so that we are enabled to do what is right even when we “feel” like doing what is wrong. For this reason, again, I emphasize that this “program” we call the “30daysexchallenge” will not work unless two people are one in body mind and spirit through the redemptive work of the cross in their individual lives. This was made known to me as I listened to a radio personality, who is a female, mention after Paul had gone off the air live, that she wouldn’t have sex when she was angry with her spouse. I wanted to jump on the telephone lines to clarify… your missing it. Your right, no-one wants to be intimate with anyone when there is “stuff” between them, but our plan is to make sure that we are first getting rid of the “stuff” between us through forgiveness. So try forgiveness first. And we can only “forgive, even as we have been forgiven.” Col 3:13 Have you been forgiven?
Susie
Paul and I do NOT claim to be marriage counselors. We just share from our personal experience and from the Bible. Still, we know that many people need professional counseling especially after going through the extensive emotional needs questionnaire, so we want to direct you to the www.marriagebuilders.com site where Dr. Willard Harley and his team locate counselors for you in your local area.
Please let us know if you still cannot locate someone to help professionally after visiting this site, we truly want to help in this area.
Sincerely,
Susie and Paul Wirth
We believe that the Bible is clear on how we love. It is through our teacher’s example, Jesus. read it for yourself in 1 John 4:7-21
4:7-21
[7] Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. [8] But anyone who does not love does not know God—for God is love.
[9] God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. [10] This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
[11] Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. [12] No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love has been brought to full expression through us.
[13] And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. [14] Furthermore, we have seen with our own eyes and now testify that the Father sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. [15] All who proclaim that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. [16] We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in him.
God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. [17] And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we are like Christ here in this world.
In a nutshell, man has a problem, called sin that separates us from God. We can only connect to God and learn how to love, when we understand that God’s Son, Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sins (remember sin separates us from God) When we confess our sin and believe that Jesus is who He says He is and came and died for us, we then can understand true love. Just think, God’s love is so great for us that He sent His son to live and die on earth just to demonstrate how much HE LOVES US. Wouldn’t you like to accept this love that God offers you through the forgiveness of your sins? All God asks of you is to believe this and accept it. So simple to really know and understand love. Huh?
For more of Jesus story read the Gospel of John! Please let us know if you have further questions!
Walk In Love,
Susie Wirth
I just read an email from one of our couples that was a great reminder of just how difficult the questionnaire can be. Especially for those of us that have been married for a while. She stated that many tears were shed before she understood what a blessing the open and honest communication was. She went on to say that, ” these are things we might not have ever shared and now we have the opportunity to get real about it all.” When we exchanged our questionnaires some 10 years ago now if is makes you feel better, I cried too! I was really upset and thought that he was being unreasonable and superficial. For us it took some time to unpack some even deeper issues and we had to begin with forgiveness on both of our parts. We confessed our short-c0mings to each other and made a fresh commitment to begin a new. One of the condition for this challenge to be successful (aside from having a relationship with Christ in the center) is to make sure that neither of you are harboring unforgiveness in any area of your life. Soo getting to the heart of the matter is making sure your hearts are right w/ God and each other.
Have a blessed Day!
Just a reminder that Paul and I recognize that not all men will have sexual fulfillment or affirmation as their top two emotional needs! And that not all women will have affection or conversation as their top two emotional needs. The key point is to discover those needs that if unmet make you unhappy and if met make you feel loved. And for those of you single -work on the other needs (obviously) Becoming and expert at anything takes time and practice. We hope that everyone knows that we love only because Christ loved us and gave himself for us. This model of sacrificial, unconditional love should go without saying in our relationships as Christ followers, yet we still need to acknowledge our foundation is the Biblical view of marriage and singleness. So with that in mind, just what does this “sacrificial” love look like? What does it look like to me on a daily basis as I live out my life! Well, emphatically, conveying and displaying “unconditional, sacrificial love” looks differently to each individual! So work on it, discover it and for you married couples, you found it once and must have been pretty good at it in the beginning of your relationship or you would have never married in the first place right So re-discover it!
With much love,
Susie
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