So it is day 12 of the challenge and all I can say is that I have been blown away by what people are writing here on this blog. I know that God is doing a makeover on hundreds and hundreds of relationships and for that I am thrilled and humbled. I also know that for some of you this has been the most difficult thing that you have ever done in your relationships. Maybe for some people who are single this is the first time that you have decided to place God at the center of your relationship. And for some married couples maybe this is the first time that you have considered your spouses needs over your own. Susie and I are really enjoying the challenge because it has been 10 years since we have done this. Yes 10 years ago Susie and I embarked on 30 days of intimacy that has lead to 10 years of meeting each others deepest emotional needs. We have not always been great at meeting each others needs because all of us are selfish from time to time but we always know what we are supposed to do. My prayer is that as we close in on the half way point that you would make the choice not to quit. I am sure that some of you are at the point where you are saying this is to hard, I don’t like meeting my spouses needs, or I do not like it that God wants me to reserve sex for marriage and you want to quit. Well could I encourage you that usually half way through anything is the time where most people quit and then they never see the benefits of reaching their goal. Weather it is climbing Mount Everest, running a Marathon, joining the football team, or doing something great for God and our relationships. We all must decide to crash through the quitting points and continue moving forward. We will talk soon.
“KEEP MOVING FORWARD” Walt Disney
Paul
We just got this from Kara.
I have been drawn to so much that has been written from the singles
embarking on this journey. How I wish I could rewind the clock and
make different choices. How I wish I could have given myself
completely to my husband. How I wish that at this very moment, I
would have a smile on my face about my past instead of these tears.
Even now in my late 20’s, happily married with kids, there are pieces
of me that I will never have again, pieces of me that feel as if they
have been stolen. I am still living with the choices I made and it
still hurts. It hurts my heart but more importantly, I know that I
disappointed God. I hate the feeling like I want to run and hide from
Him, knowing that I never will be able to. I listened to a terrible
lie, I was totally deceived into thinking that I just wasn’t worth it.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. And do you know who showed me that
I was worth it? My husband. From the first day that I met him he
showed me the love of Jesus. I didn’t know it at the time, and it
took me about a year to accept His gift, but Jesus sent me the most
amazing man who truly has “loved me as Christ loves his church.” (Eph.
5:25). This challenge has really been a great ride so far. Not only
have I been able to take the first steps toward forgiving myself, but
it brought me back to the gift that my husband has been in my life.
Now that I know his needs, I can work on fulfilling them; work on
sacrificing myself in the right, healthy way. It really is all about
Christ’s love for us, and I’m finally seeing that.
We just got this from Jenny.
My immediate reaction to the series 30 Day Sex Challenge was, how does this topic have anything to do with me? That has been on my list for a while now…
First I feel you should know I am a single woman who has not had sex. As I thought about my question I realized this challenge is more emotional than physical for me. I know, sex is in the title but as you look at the guide there are other emotional needs that I think are important as well.
I have been fortunate enough to surround myself with people that fill many of my emotional needs everyday. Affection, conversation, honesty and openness all with my family and friends. I feel that sexual fulfillment is something that can wait. I’m not saying it is an easy task, however, how much more reward can you receive from finding your emotional needs from friends and family who have been there for you.
This is what God is showing me through the 30 Day Sex Challenge. I am in a place that I am receiving emotional fulfillment without the sex to make life complicated. Over the next 20 some odd days take the challenge and see how you can meet other emotional needs that have been starved in the past. You may discover that it is more important that you find a person who can be your recreational companion than just a casual sex partner.
“I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2
So day 7 is in the can for me, and I’m looking forward to day 8. Things have been really good so far. The guide has been helpful, but what has impacted me the most is community with others. One of the things I find me and my friends thinking about is really examining ourselves. It’s funny, life is so busy, you can go a really long time without ever having to take stock of yourself. You know, who you are, who you’re becoming… what you’ve done. This is forcing me to look at “the man in the mirror”. I wrote this blog a long time ago on my own site, and it was called “Lucky Vampire”. It was basically about how vampire’s are so lucky because they can avoid having to see themselves in the mirror. I’m still envious of that sometimes. I challenge singles, all of us, to really look at our past relationships. What have we done that we regret? What have we done to sabotage something good? What patterns do we see ourselves fall into? And maybe, if we’re lucky, what have we done right?
So I just got back from morning service (which was amazing by the way) and I was thinking about how the challenge may be tough for a single person who is not in a relationship and not dating anyone. I was thinking that they may be discouraged sitting through a service that is all about, A. Married people improving their relationship with their spouse, and B. singles abstaining to gain a deeper understanding of who the person they are dating truly is. I thought they might disconnect a little bit from the series . Then I realized that everything I am learning to do from abstaining can totally be applied to my relationship with God. The challenge is teaching me that by putting sex aside, I can learn more about the person I am dating and in turn, have a healthier, more meaningful relationship. Single people who are not dating can also practice all these things that the challenge is teaching us to do. By cutting out lustful thoughts, and working to improve other daily struggles, non-dating singles can have more time to focus on God and be able to come to a deeper understanding of who he truly is. Here it is: If you think you are single and not dating anyone, feeling a little lonely and left out of the challenge, guess again. You’re totally dating God. Pack your bags and hop on the “30 day sex challenge” train because you are just weeks away from having a deeper more meaningful relationship with a very important person —->JESUS.
WOW!! I just read Ryan’s entry and it was amazing. Ryan I think as a single guy you are really getting the point of this challenge and I am encouraged that your faith is growing.
I must admit that with all of the scheduling of time to meet with people and do interviews that Susie and I have had to really plan on meeting each others needs. I am realizing all over again that this whole idea of meeting each others needs is hard work. Sometimes my selfishness just rises up and I do not want to meet Susie’s needs, but for some reason I still want my needs meet. Is there anyone else who feels like me sometimes? I was wondering do you think Jesus ever got tired of meeting all of the crowds needs? I know on at least one occasion Jesus sent the crowd away because he needed to rest. Sometimes when we are tired it is the hardest time to meet someone needs, but when we meet someone’s needs even when we are tired we act most like Jesus because we are truly sacrificing.
Think about it what have you sacrificed this week for your spouse? How did it make them feel? How did it make you feel to unconditionally sacrifice to meet the needs of your spouse?
Enjoy the journey. If you are just beginning I would like to welcome you and encourage you to check out all of the past blogs so you know where we are going.
We just received this from Mike
I have had some interesting conversations with work colleagues and friends alike on this challenge of ours. Every person I have talked to seems to have the same question for the singles challenge, “How can you truly progress in a relationship without knowing about such a large part of the relationship with physical and sexual chemistry?” Having been a sexually active single adult male, I have to admit that the thought had crossed my mind. Recently, prior to the 30-day sex challenge, I decided to leave sex out of the scenario and really focus on the woman I was interested in. I have discovered, at least in my own life, that I rushed to see how compatible I was sexually with my past relationships rather than truly getting to know the person I was with and deciding if we were really compatible as a couple.
If you haven’t considered giving this challenge a try I would highly recommend it. All there is to lose is 30 days of some hibidty-dibity, but if you have the results that I have had then you might be surprised to see how truthful you can be with yourself about your relationships. What I mean by that is simple. Before, I took this step of leaving sex out, I had been in several long term relationships where sex had been more of a focus than honestly looking at our personal differences to see if our relationship could stand on it’s own two feet without one of us having to be on our back. Good Luck.
We have had multiple news outlets cover our challenge. The best one so far was from Mike and Juliet in the morning on FOX. It was about an 11 minute piece, and we feel they did an excellent job of telling the whole story. The hosts even appeared to know the material we were presenting, which was awesome. Go here to check it out!
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