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Archive for the 'Taking The Challenge' Category

Like Father Like Son

Published
by
relevant church
on March 15, 2008
in Sex Challenge and Taking The Challenge
. 0 Comments

We just received this from John

You have heard the expression like father like son. If you become your parent, how will that effect your relationships? How will you make sure that you don’t fall into the same traps your parents did?

My parents divorced in 2000. And the years just prior to that were not that spectacular for my family. Please, hear this. I have a wonderful relationship with both of my parents, and my brother. But it wasnt always like that…

I used to think the reason my parents split is because of money. After i grew and learned a little more about the situation, I learned that wasn’t it. They split because of a lack of communication, plain and simple. A lack of communication including lies, and covering things up, and being afraid to admit to each other who they were becoming. My dad kept so many things from my mom, and it got to the point where she just couldn’t trust him anymore. The thing that really breaks my heart is that I am not alone. Almost all of my friends parents are divorced, and for many of them, the story is the same. People not communicating, and that leads to hardened hearts. So i watch all of this, in my family and my friends families, and i vow to never be like that. Im gonna be different. And then of course, I get into relationships, and I do the exact same thing. And it all stems from me thinking I simply can’t let this person know who I really am. The struggles I have, the mistakes I make, the demons that haunt me. I’m obviously not married, I’m not even in a relationship right now. But I think something I’m learning is that that’s exactly what marriage is. It’s truly knowing someone. I hope and pray that if I ever meet a girl that feels she really wants to know who I am, that I won’t be afraid to show her. When I feel that little voice in my head, the voice that says she will hate me, or run away if she knows the truth about me, i won’t listen. Because history proves, that will just help me to end up alone. I think, as a christian, our relationship with Christ is the ultimate example of this. He knows everything we have done. Every good and every bad thing. It’s laughable almost, but he knows who I am and pursued me anyway!  Please hear me, HE pursued us and still does, even to the point of death on a cross. I hope that one day I will meet a girl, a real flesh and bone girl (and probably a hot one) that will feel like that about me. I just pray to God that I will be prepared for what that means, and not be afraid of letting her see.

An Exerpt From Day 12

Published
by
Jarrett
on March 1, 2008
in Sex Challenge and Taking The Challenge
. 4 Comments
If you are a Christ-follower, what influence does faith have on your dating decisions?

That is part of the question from day 12. I want to give my answer to that question, which may or may not make sense. How’s that for a disclaimer?

My faith is the most important thing in my life. It’s basically how i make all of my decisions. But i recognize that the way i live out my faith is probably pretty different from a lot of people, and I think that’s ok. So first and foremost, for me to be in a serious dating relationship, you have to have “a faith in Jesus”. That’s pretty vague, but that’s on purpose. I know people will quote the “equally yolked” verse, but who knows exactly what that means. If you have a faith, and you are honestly trying to live it, then you make the cut. From there it gets tricky. Something that is personally important to me is balance. I think as people we often spend too much time dealing with and living in extremes. I don’t think that’s the best way to live. So, I like a girl who can have balance. And i think the most important area to have balance in is our culture. I want a girl who is comfortable with Christ and culture. I want to be able to sit and talk about calvanism vs arminianism. But i also want to go see the new Will Ferrell movie. And I want to go talk about it after… in a bar… over drinks. I want a girl who can encourage me in my faith, but who can also realize that quoting a simple bible verse at me when I’m upset probably won’t cut it. I want to listen to Derek Webb with her, and then tell her why Tupac is the greatest artist that has ever lived. So yes, faith is very important to me. But most important is a girl with a mature faith that realizes we are in this world, this culture, and she’s not afraid of it.

I’m taking the challenge - Becky

Published
by
relevant church
on March 1, 2008
in Taking The Challenge
. 0 Comments

We just received this from Becky.

In this weeks “singles guide” one day particularly jumped out at me. I know we have been talking a lot about the different levels of connection and intimacy and most of the effort has been focused on actions as far as giving and receiving or meeting each others needs. Obviously meeting each others needs is the point but I think that sometimes when we take the emotional needs test and find out what our needs are we forget to work on some other important areas.
Day 11 struck me as strange. The question asked, “do you talk to much on dates, are you silent?” I am unable to answer this question as it was originally intended, from individual dates, I am not familiar with traditional dating. My experience lies in long term relationships where dates are much fewer and farther between. The same question can still apply however. The biggest hurdle I have found in relationships is simple communication. When you first start a relationship you want to learn all about the other person, you are interested in what they have to say and you ask probing questions. There is a song that has been playing a lot lately reminding me of this fact, a song by Rascal Flatts called “Take me there”. The tag line sings, “I wanna know everything about you, I wanna go down every road you been…” I have to say though that as that relationship progresses and you develop ‘vocal lethargia’ we stop really caring what the other person has to say and are much more concerned about whether or not our words are being heard. Eventually we stop listening at all to anyone but ourselves and look up to find 6 months down the road, we have no idea who this person is sitting next to us. We say we are going through life with them but is it really with or just next to. Do we happen to be running together because we are still choosing to or because it is easier to run at the same pace than to pick it up and try something more challenging. We grow comfortable in where we are and sadly some of us decide that it is easier to stay exactly where we are with exactly the knowledge we have, or don’t have for that matter, assuming everything is going on at the same pace as always.
The problem with this is that every day people change. They grow, learn, stretch and find new and exciting things that in a healthy relationship should be shared together, brought to a point of common understanding and pursued together, challenging each other. More often then not I fear, these relationship and challenges become more of a one man show than a team. We experience more feelings of independence in the most negative way, when we are in a relationship that has forgotten the importance of communication.
The best encouragement I can give, I hate to admit but mostly to myself, is to take this as a wakeup call if you have seen these trends begin to occur. Stop worrying so much about what you have to say and be more concerned about what the other person has to offer. More often than not, the same will be returned and then your partner will actually be interested in hearing whatever it is that you feel should take up precious air and time.

I’m taking the challenge - Karie

Published
by
Jarrett
on February 27, 2008
in Taking The Challenge
. 1 Comment

We just received this from Karie:

I’m one of the singles taking the challenge, however I have been in a long term relationship for 3 years. I decided that this would be a really good thing for us, and fairly easy since we are not currently living together at this time, and only get to see each other twice a week. My boyfriend was not very “pumped” about the challenge, yet he said “I can do this NO PROBLEM!” This has definitely opened up lines of communication between the two of us. I have learned that sex is a very big part of the relationship for intimacy - but definitely not the most important! I need honesty and affection from my partner.

I have to admit, today above all days I was tempted for some additional intimacy since he will be visiting, but then I saw the daily Bible Verse for today and this is what it said:

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 NIV

Talk about God having my back when Satan was out to get me! Throughout this challenge - I am learning above all, that I need to put God first above all things, more than my boyfriend, myself, or anything else. Through Christ all things are possible.

Karie

Almost married

Published
by
relevant church
on February 26, 2008
in Taking The Challenge
. 1 Comment

We just received this in our email:

…My story is that I started this challenge on Feb.15th, before I even heard of the church wide challenge. I am a Christian and have been for 16 years now, and have remained abstinent throughout those years. But when I got engaged we started toying with the idea that we are going to get married so it doesn’t really matter right? I just want to say, from experience, that it does matter!! If you are already sexually active when you get married, then what is there to look forward to on your wedding night? It will just be another night together. Because I now have this mindset, I sat my fiance down and talked to him. I said that I wanted our wedding night to be something we looked forward to. Something exciting and amazing!!! Not just another night like the rest. So we made a commitment to abstain from ALL sexual activity until our wedding night. And we were especially not allowed to tease each other, because that would lead to too much. So we are just passing week one and he is already telling me how much he can’t wait to get married!!! And I know I can’t either! We will be married on March 15th and I know it will be wonderful!! I just wanted to say that I think this challenge is a Great idea and thank ya’ll for creating such a buzz about it!

I’m taking the challenge - Kara

Published
by
relevant church
on February 25, 2008
in Sex Challenge and Taking The Challenge
. 0 Comments

We just got this from Kara.

I have been drawn to so much that has been written from the singles
embarking on this journey. How I wish I could rewind the clock and
make different choices. How I wish I could have given myself
completely to my husband. How I wish that at this very moment, I
would have a smile on my face about my past instead of these tears.
Even now in my late 20’s, happily married with kids, there are pieces
of me that I will never have again, pieces of me that feel as if they
have been stolen. I am still living with the choices I made and it
still hurts. It hurts my heart but more importantly, I know that I
disappointed God. I hate the feeling like I want to run and hide from
Him, knowing that I never will be able to. I listened to a terrible
lie, I was totally deceived into thinking that I just wasn’t worth it.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. And do you know who showed me that
I was worth it? My husband. From the first day that I met him he
showed me the love of Jesus. I didn’t know it at the time, and it
took me about a year to accept His gift, but Jesus sent me the most
amazing man who truly has “loved me as Christ loves his church.” (Eph.
5:25). This challenge has really been a great ride so far. Not only
have I been able to take the first steps toward forgiving myself, but
it brought me back to the gift that my husband has been in my life.
Now that I know his needs, I can work on fulfilling them; work on
sacrificing myself in the right, healthy way. It really is all about
Christ’s love for us, and I’m finally seeing that.

I’m taking the challenge - Jenny

Published
by
relevant church
on February 25, 2008
in Sex Challenge and Taking The Challenge
. 0 Comments

We just got this from Jenny.

My immediate reaction to the series 30 Day Sex Challenge was, how does this topic have anything to do with me? That has been on my list for a while now…

First I feel you should know I am a single woman who has not had sex. As I thought about my question I realized this challenge is more emotional than physical for me. I know, sex is in the title but as you look at the guide there are other emotional needs that I think are important as well.

I have been fortunate enough to surround myself with people that fill many of my emotional needs everyday. Affection, conversation, honesty and openness all with my family and friends. I feel that sexual fulfillment is something that can wait. I’m not saying it is an easy task, however, how much more reward can you receive from finding your emotional needs from friends and family who have been there for you.

This is what God is showing me through the 30 Day Sex Challenge. I am in a place that I am receiving emotional fulfillment without the sex to make life complicated. Over the next 20 some odd days take the challenge and see how you can meet other emotional needs that have been starved in the past. You may discover that it is more important that you find a person who can be your recreational companion than just a casual sex partner.

“I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2

I’m taking the challenge - Jake

Published
by
Jarrett
on February 23, 2008
in Taking The Challenge
. 3 Comments

We just got this from Jake.

Paul and Relevant church.

I wanted to share what I have been learning over the last week.

Since the challenge started, I have been really asking God to reveal not only what I can do to please Jennifer, but what I can do to please God. I have had up and down periods of my life when I have become more or less dependent on my own personal sin, then that of keeping my sexual desires solely for my wife. What I mean is, not physically cheating on my wife, but mentally. My eyes have always been my downfall. Going to web sites I shouldnt, feeding off of images that dont gratify and make you feel guilty for doing so.

But over the last week I have avoided images or diverted my eyes from things I shouldnt see, that detract from the purity of my marriage. I have seen that I can win this battle over my lust with God’s help. This isnt to say I havent been tempted or that images that I shouldnt see have graced my screen or my vision, but when those images came up, I quickly diverted my eyes and quickly asked God for pure thoughts. I have also been showing my love for Jennifer with things I have been neglecting and on the house for the incoming baby.

I know the battle isnt over, but as a married man, satan attacks his hardest when we think we are invulnerable to attack. I just wanted to share that God is slowly freeing me of my lust and I want to say that to any married or single men out there, guard your eyes, because even lustfully looking is the same as doing the act itself.

I am incredibly thankful I am forgiven and that God is merciful in His love.

Jacob

Loving, Saving, and Abstaining

Published
by
Ryan
on February 22, 2008
in Taking The Challenge
. 6 Comments

Over the past six days I have been blown away by the amount of attention the “30 day sex challenge” has been getting. I’ve been keeping up with my media, reading the newspaper article, watching the news reports on T.V., and reading others’ blogs on the internet. As I’ve been doing all this I have noticed that most people just want to talk about the married couples challenge of having sex for 30 days straight, but what about the singles challenge of abstaining from sex for 30 days? Nobody seems to want to talk about this, and when they do it is to say, “but shouldn’t a church teach to abstain until marriage?” I believe they are, and being a single younger guy, I’d really like to talk about it. 

Loving. Jesus tells us to love, all throughout the bible. “Love thy neighbor”, “God is Love”, “this is a sign of my Love.” Love, love, love, its everywhere! When I was asked to take the “30 day sex challenge” and abstain from any kind of sexual activity, I may or may not have been doing, I didn’t hear, “Hey Ryan, we don’t want you to have any sexual activity for 30 days because we as a church are telling you not to,” but rather, “hey Ryan, do you Love God enough to hear and listen to what he has to say? We want you to take this challenge because we know God loves you and he wants to help you with issues in your life that may be challenging.” Love is a big part of the challenge. In the six days that it has been going on I’ve totally seen God’s love shining through in my life in so many different ways. 

Saving. Obviously we all know that when we accept God into our hearts he saves us from an eternity of suffering, but we can use the word “save” in so many more ways on top of being “saved”. First, the challenge is teaching me that I should “save” myself for marriage. Why would I want to do that? Maybe you’re wondering if I have had sex before, or if I’ve managed to stay abstinent my entire life….but does it really make any difference? I’ve learned so far through taking the challenge that leaving sex out of a relationship gives me the opportunity to focus more deeply on the kind of person that the girl I am dating is. It gives me chances to get to know her likes and dislikes, what makes her smile when she is mad, how to cheer her up if she is sad, and how to encourage her and be a leader for her when things are not going according to plan in her life. These are things that I feel I would miss if I was focused on having sex with her rather than learning to rain love down on her. Second, the challenge has taught me that everyone needs to be “saved” and deserves an infinite amount of chances in life to make that happen. I say this because I was contacted by someone who was against our challenge. He said that we can’t preach abstinence for just 30 days and that it will just lead to failure and pretty much babies out of wedlock. He told me that he was in the process of excommunicating an 18 year old girl from his church for having two kids and not being married. This hurt my heart to the core. Would Jesus have left her in the desert all alone with her babies because she said she wouldn’t marry? Absolutely not. I believe he would be persistent. He would lift all three of them up, put them on his shoulders, carry them home and say, “I love you,” to which one day, and maybe not right away she would say, “I love you too.” Relevant, through the 30 day sex challenge, has also taught me to be relentless and never give up on anybody. Without the challenge I never would have heard that story and never would have come to that realization. I really hope that 18 year old girl reads this blog and knows that she is loved and that we would never “leave her alone in the desert.” Wow, all of this from a sex challenge? God is good.

Finally, abstaining. I choose to abstain because I feel like it is what is going to be best for me in the long run that is my life. For me it’s all about my future. The challenge is teaching me that abstaining will give me a more meaningful relationship with my future spouse. On, top of that I’m learning that that is what God wants for me in my life. I’m starting to think that this challenge is a win win opportunity. Developing an amazing relationship, while honoring God…honestly, who wouldn’t want to take this challenge?

God is Love.

I’m taking the challenge - Mike

Published
by
relevant church
on February 21, 2008
in Sex Challenge and Taking The Challenge
. 1 Comment

We just received this from Mike

I have had some interesting conversations with work colleagues and friends alike on this challenge of ours. Every person I have talked to seems to have the same question for the singles challenge, “How can you truly progress in a relationship without knowing about such a large part of the relationship with physical and sexual chemistry?” Having been a sexually active single adult male, I have to admit that the thought had crossed my mind. Recently, prior to the 30-day sex challenge, I decided to leave sex out of the scenario and really focus on the woman I was interested in. I have discovered, at least in my own life, that I rushed to see how compatible I was sexually with my past relationships rather than truly getting to know the person I was with and deciding if we were really compatible as a couple.

If you haven’t considered giving this challenge a try I would highly recommend it. All there is to lose is 30 days of some hibidty-dibity, but if you have the results that I have had then you might be surprised to see how truthful you can be with yourself about your relationships. What I mean by that is simple. Before, I took this step of leaving sex out, I had been in several long term relationships where sex had been more of a focus than honestly looking at our personal differences to see if our relationship could stand on it’s own two feet without one of us having to be on our back. Good Luck.